Crash Blossoms
News read more ways than one.
A crash blossom is a headline you can read multiple ways and will probably read the “wrong” way first. In the headline “Violinist linked to JAL crash blossoms,” the intended reading is that the violinist is blossoming, but you read it and go…“What are these ‘crash blossoms’ the violinist is linked to?”
Crash blossoms often feature confusing phrase order or words taking on unusual roles. Nothing wrong with using blossoms as a verb like this, but it’s more often a plural noun.
Don Hauptman asserts these are just bloopers in a headline context, but I’d argue headlines need multiple meanings to qualify. “War Dims Hope for Peace” is funny because of its understatement and fuzzy thinking, not a two-way reading.
Some crash blossoms are apocryphal, i.e., probably made up. The list below is sourced from Language Log and Mental Floss, and all these headlines saw publication—though some were corrected online after the fact.
“A Parade Hailing Russia’s World War II Dead and Marching Further From the West”
“Alaskan-developed satellite technology helps fire managers in COVID-19 era”
“Boeheim taunted by fans, mum after loss”
“Chester Morrill, 92, Was Fed Secretary”
“Chevy Unveils The Restored 1 Millionth Corvette Pulled From A Kentucky Sinkhole”
“Chinese cooking fat heads for Holland”
“Council questions warrant arrests”
“Death Happens More Slowly Than Thought”
“Decapitated Members Arrested on Alleged Kidnapping Charges”
“Doctor Who Tested Positive for Ebola Took Subway, Went Bowling in Brooklyn” (Doctor Who? Oh, no!)
“EU rules ‘mean children can't get life-saving cancer drugs’”
“Here’s How You Can Lick Doberman’s Leg Sores”
“His Humming Rear End Is a Major Distraction”
“Is Fish Heart Healthy Food? It Depends”
“Jacksonville Pornography Free, Officials Say”
“Jerk Injures Neck, Wins Award”
“Johnson Teacher Talks Very Slow”
“Jury awards $6.5M in CA case of nozzle thought gun”
“Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant”
“Kicking Baby Considered to Be Healthy”
“Knife crime: St John Ambulance to teach teens to help stab victims”
“K-Pop Light Sticks Fire up Impeachment Protests in South Korea”
“Lawyers For Mentally Ill Woman Set To Be Executed By U.S. Contract Coronavirus”
“Man in court charged with missing Brumley woman’s murder”
“Man Is Seized in Burglaries by Use of a Pool Skimmer”
“Man rattled by python found coiled up and hiding in his box of cornflakes”
“Milk Drinkers Turn to Powder”
“Missouri: Flood Damage Dwarfs Repair Budget”
“Obscenity Should Include Violence”
“Paris Attacks Cloud Conversation At Summit Of World Powers”
“Paul Ryan calls on Maxine Waters to apologize”
“Police Find Jaguars Running Back Asleep Inside Car Sinking Into a Pond, Reports Say”
“Police officer jailed for attacking members of the public found dead”
“Public urged to keep track of squirrels with mobiles”
“Republicans Look to Safety Net Programs as Deficit Balloons”
“Robber Holds Up Albert’s Hosiery”
“Scientists count whales from space”
“Stella McCartney: ‘My parents opened doors, closed minds’”
“Tesla Model 3 driver again dies in crash with trailer, Autopilot not yet ruled out”
“Trump demands dog ‘Dreamers’ deal”
“Warren inches away from Obama”
“Weather Service forecasting computers to become 10 times more powerful in 2015”
“Woman burned as a baby tracks down nurse who cared for her”
Next: When super-teams got super-dysfunctional.
Gator Attacks Puzzle Experts
Cop shoots man with knife