I figure you hardy few who are actually reading these words were likely directed here from my “Year In Crosswords” series (last few years are here). The “Year” roundups are pretty big (6,000 words for the last one), but there are still a few kinds of stories I won’t run in them ever…or won’t run in them ever again.
This Crossword Is Neat! Many are! But I can’t include every neat one, so unless I can point to some objectively record-breaking or unique aspect or link it to a crossword-culture story, it’s not getting in. Sam Donaldson was doing the Orca Awards to honor great puzzles until 2021: their absence last year may indicate a hole that needs filling. But I ain’t a reviewer, so that’s not a job for me.
Gamblers Make Money Playing Crossword Games! I confess I used to enjoy plopping these winners in as “Most Profitable Solves of the Year,” but for the most part their stories are ridiculously boring (Lotto Winner Wins Lotto!), when they’re not horribly depressing (Lotto Winner Kills Self After History of Depression: “Turns Out Money DIDN’T Change Me”!).
Could Crosswords Be…GOOD For Your Brain?! Every year or so, there’s a new study supporting the conclusion we all figured out eighty years ago, that crosswords promote brain health…with occasional studies seeming to contradict the first type but really just setting the bar too high. Look, they’re a lot like fish. Don’t overdose and don’t expect miracles, but YES, OF COURSE THEY’RE BRAIN-HEALTHY, YOU IDIOTS.
Could You Promote My… No. If what you’ve got (a book, a puzzle blog, a line of crossword lingerie) is objectively notable, I’ll put it in because that’d be in the public interest (and thank you for pointing it out)! But I’m not running any stories just as personal favors. You can promote me, though. It’d give you such a sweet moral victory! I’d feel ever so guilty.
Ooooh, Did You Hear What He Said About HIM? This doesn’t come up too much. I hope it stays that way. When I was covering other fields, I would track every social-media scuffle within my purview. While some small conflicts do ripen into real stories, most don’t. I will cover a clash if it affects the community (Book Publisher Called Out for Underpaying, Sexually Harassing Constructors, Controversially Responds by Calling Them “Deadbeats”). But if I focus on feuds for their own sake, I’ll be affecting the community too, and not for the better.