Sing of ire, bring the fire, goddess Muse, light the fuse
Of Achilles!
And the kills and the ills that it brought as it caught
The Achaeans!
Once human beings, now Hades’ shades,
Their corpse corps a dogfood-birdfood brigade,
Serving the uses of Zeus since the day
That the ire getting higher led two men to part ways—
The king for whom all soldiers trod,
And Achilles who was like a god,
Who put the sons of Atreus and Peleus at odds?
The son of Zeus and Leto loosed torpedoes,
Making Greeks grieve their fevered dead, all for the king’s ego
And libido. The curses of Chryses caused the crisis.
With Apollo’s laurels and handsome ransom in his hands,
Chryses stirred their morals. Their swift ships upon the sands
Witnessed his oral appeal to their leaders and their band.
“Achaean seamen and Atreus’ sons,
May Olympus’ impulse grant your war be won!
May Troy’s walls soon fall and you all get recall
Each to your own banquet hall, home safe from squall!
Let these prayers lift you, let these wares gift you,
But if you want Apollo’s grace to stay with you,
Return my daughter; she misses her father,
End her departure to honor the harsh archer.”
This was a fun challenge, though I have a hard time evaluating the quality of the results right now. I’ll let you judge for yourself, but talk through some of my choices below.
The tricky decisions began right away and never really let up—the first line is all about the anger of Achilles and the invocation to the Muse Calliope to sing. “Bring the fire” seems like the best way to tie those two together, and it’s contemporary without being too slangy.
I considered rhyming “anger” and “banger,” but “banger” felt like it was trying too hard to be modern in this context, and it felt wrong to start with a slant rhyme. “Path of wrath”? “Turn the page on the rage”? There were lots of alternatives, but bringing “fire” into it felt most in line with how Homer saw wrath, war, and possibly poetry too.
Also, “ire” has a lot of rhyme potential. Even though it’s unlikely I’ll do any more of this adaptation, let alone finish it, it seems like I should make choices as if I planned to do it all. That means using the most versatile rhyme available for a key word that’s likely to come up often again.
The soundalike nature of “Achilles” and “Achaeans” was something I couldn’t ignore, so I let them punctuate the introduction before settling into the mostly four-beat rhythm I associate with most rap lyrics, slowing down as we head from intro to flashback.
I’m not entirely happy with “torpedoes,” a modernization of the classic weaponry of Apollo the archer. My first thought was “mosquitoes,” which do spread disease (and probably did so to the Greek soldiers), but that seemed even more modernized. Better to treat the disease as a weapon straight from Apollo’s hand instead of having him say, “Release the hounds” and then stepping back to let insects do all his work for him. One can see arrows as metaphorical torpedoes, at least.
(Although a “Release the hounds” maneuver is not unprecedented in Greek mythology. Just ask Actaeon. Well, you can’t, because the hounds killed him.)
As an alternative, here’s a performance by a USC professor in a similar spirit. I tried not to let his choices influence me too much!
And here’s a rap battle using the key figures of the Trojan War.
Amd here it is as a limerick. This one is better.
In Troy, there once was a great fight,
Greek and Trojan, their might took flight.
With gods up above,
And heroes they'd shove,
In an epic that lasted all night.
Here's my Chatgpt first try:
(Verse 1)
Yo, listen up, I'm 'bout to drop a tale so bold,
It's the Iliad, a story of heroes of old.
Achilles, Hector, they were fierce in the fray,
In ancient Troy, where gods had their say.
(Chorus)
Trojans, Greeks, clashin' swords in the fight,
Gods on high, watchin' from their lofty height.
This epic battle, it's a legendary sight,
Iliad's the story, gonna set it right.
(Verse 2)
Achilles, the warrior, with a wrath so deep,
Takin' on Hector, in the city's keep.
Hector, brave and bold, defendin' his land,
Two legends clashing, it's gonna be grand.
(Chorus)
Trojans, Greeks, clashin' swords in the fight,
Gods on high, watchin' from their lofty height.
This epic battle, it's a legendary sight,
Iliad's the story, gonna set it right.
(Verse 3)
Zeus and Hera, they were pullin' the strings,
In this epic tale, where destiny sings.
Helen's beauty, Paris' fateful choice,
Led to this war, with a thunderous voice.
(Chorus)
Trojans, Greeks, clashin' swords in the fight,
Gods on high, watchin' from their lofty height.
This epic battle, it's a legendary sight,
Iliad's the story, gonna set it right.
(Verse 4)
From the Achaean ships to the Trojan shore,
Warriors clashed, blood and honor they swore.
Homer's verses, they're a lyrical delight,
Iliad's the story, gonna rap it tight.
(Chorus)
Trojans, Greeks, clashin' swords in the fight,
Gods on high, watchin' from their lofty height.
This epic battle, it's a legendary sight,
Iliad's the story, gonna set it right.
(Outro)
So that's the Iliad, in a rap that's fresh,
Heroes and gods, in this ancient mesh.
A tale of honor, vengeance, and might,
Iliad's the story, now it's outta sight!