Full-Name Aptronyms

Going for the long-form pun.

Last night, Janice told me about Brad Pitt’s younger brother. The younger Pitt supports many charitable causes, including increased health and hygiene in the Ozarks and water and sanitation in developing countries. Building a water and sanitation system means moving a lot of earth, .

So I guess one could say that, through his charity work, this younger brother has dug some pits.

His name is Doug. Doug Pitt.

An aptronym, also called an aptonym or euonym, is a name that seems to predict the destiny of its owner. This destiny often takes the form of an occupation, though not always. Examples include bass singer Lance Bass, runner Usain Bolt, poet William Wordsworth, and Alexander Graham Bell, who created a ringing device. Plus, uh, disgraced politicians Chris Pincher and Anthony Weiner.

Sometimes it’s the given name that’s the apt one, as in the many popes named Pius or the professional driver on The Simpsons, Otto. You’ll find apt names often in fiction, especially pop fiction. The Fantastic Four has Reed Richards, a brainy fellow whose first name sounds like “read,” and Johnny Storm, whose last name suits his flame powers and hotheaded use of them.

But Doug Pitt has a full-name aptronym, in which both (or all three) names are apt. Here, the Fantastic Four has Ben Grimm, who has been grim about his looks since becoming a rock monster. He’s not always a grouch, especially not in recent comics, but his story begins with that pain and alienation and…grimness.

Writers have created many such names, but real-life aptonyms can’t be engineered. That makes them rarer finds, and therefore more precious.

One such name belongs to volunteer firefighter Les McBurney. I once thought Les might’ve been the creation of some Photoshopping fabulist. He’s real, though! You can see him interviewed by Jimmy Kimmel below…along with dentist Dr. Chip Silvertooth, contractor Paul Schwinghammer, and gynecologist Dr. Lauren Hymen. Despite those amazing last names, only Les and Dr. Chip’s first names qualify.

Urologist Dr. Dick Chopp must’ve declined Kimmel’s invitation. And what about law? There’s more than one person in the legal profession named “Sue Yoo.” And there’s Early Wynn, an early member of baseball’s elite “300-win club.”

From the above, we can identify three different types of full-name aptronyms. In interdependent names, the full meaning only comes across from the full name, as in Dick Chopp and Les McBurney. You could ascribe punny significance to just Dick, Les, Dr. Chopp, or Mr. McBurney, but none of those single elements points you to “urologist” or “firefighter.” (“Dick” might, but you’re more likely to hear the name and think “jerk.” That’s why it’s a rarer nickname these days.)

In lopsided names, one word could get the idea across without the other. The punny significance of Sue Yoo comes across without “Yoo,” because “you” is not a law-specific word. Likewise Ben Grimm without “Ben”: “Sue” and “Mr. Grimm” would still get the job done. (Ironically, the Fantastic Four has had a lawyer member as well as a member named “Sue,” but Sue wasn’t the lawyer! The lawyer She-Hulk, AKA Jennifer Walters, filled in for Ben for a while.)

In parallel names, each word makes separate but specific contributions. “Chip” is a funny name for a dentist; so is “Silvertooth.” Neither needs the other to work, but put them together and you really have something. The same could be said of Doug Pitt.

These were the examples I could cobble together fast. Even in lists of aptronyms, multi-name examples are unusual finds. Feel free to leave your own in the comments!

Next: The final “spoiler weekend”!